This World ~ Feedback

The collection of stories of ASDF

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atomtengeralattjaro
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by atomtengeralattjaro » Tue Jan 26, 2010 6:22 pm

fans want air..


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Ivokyuftaf6666 wrote:Awesome Site, Delivering Fun
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Fri Feb 05, 2010 12:32 am

Was thinking of writing a little today... Turns out I wrote a lot :shock:

Go read and tell me what you think! :D
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Blargen » Fri Feb 05, 2010 8:34 am

If one of the planets was a giant fan in orbit of the sun... Do you think it would cool it off? :|

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by atomtengeralattjaro » Fri Feb 05, 2010 3:26 pm

Shai'tan wrote:Go read and tell me what you think! :D
Wooh! exciting! :D

little typos i've found:
People had ragged clothes and they all looked warily at strangers, this was were where the
"To know a city you must know all it's sides. Even the darkest once one..."
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Fri Feb 05, 2010 3:46 pm

atomtengeralattjaro wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:Go read and tell me what you think! :D
Wooh! exciting! :D

little typos i've found:
People had ragged clothes and they all looked warily at strangers, this was were where the
"To know a city you must know all it's sides. Even the darkest once one..."
Thank you, your feedback is appreciated :)

Fix'd those typos, do tell me if you find more...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by CX gamer » Fri Feb 05, 2010 4:22 pm

Good... :D
You're building up tension like a pro... 8)

Could use more alinea's though, it's too much like a big block of text right now... :)
Quote of the TimePeriod:
Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
[Full story]

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Fri Feb 05, 2010 5:01 pm

CX gamer wrote:Good... :D
You're building up tension like a pro... 8)

Could use more alinea's though, it's too much like a big block of text right now... :)
Thank you :)

I know what you mean... I need to see if I can fix that somehow...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by keja » Fri Feb 05, 2010 8:13 pm

The return key works well for making paragraphs separate.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by ForrestKeys » Thu Feb 11, 2010 6:07 pm

Will there be an S, D and F Story?
One hour a day, one day a week.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Thu Feb 11, 2010 6:36 pm

Haha, it's not meant like that... I just called it that cause I didn't have a better title, suggestions are welcome of course...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by keja » Thu Feb 11, 2010 7:23 pm

Can I ask what place the story is set in? The ninja characters suggest Japan, and the the town/villages seem like rural areas, but I'd like to know if I'm wrong.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Thu Feb 11, 2010 7:33 pm

keja wrote:Can I ask what place the story is set in? The ninja characters suggest Japan, and the the town/villages seem like rural areas, but I'd like to know if I'm wrong.
A fictional one...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by keja » Thu Feb 11, 2010 9:12 pm

Okay...

It's up to my darn imagination to come up with the scenery...
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Thu Feb 11, 2010 9:46 pm

Pretty much :P

I can try to explain how it all looks, but that would mean a lot more text for you to read...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by CX gamer » Fri Feb 12, 2010 9:25 am

I prefer not to know too much of the story, it's much better to discover it on the go... :)
Quote of the TimePeriod:
Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
[Full story]

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Fri Feb 12, 2010 2:13 pm

I'm not gonna reveal any of the story before I write it, if that's what you mean... (I actually haven't thought of that much yet, just some things that I want to include)

I was more thinking of making it more detailed, including how the cities, landscape and people look for example...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by keja » Fri Feb 12, 2010 11:28 pm

That's always a good start, but don't write anything so good you'll feel annoyed it's not published. I used to get that a lot.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Sat Feb 13, 2010 2:14 pm

:lol:

I don't think that will happen ;)
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Sat May 22, 2010 1:55 am

Still kinda need a name for this thing... I was thinking 'This World', but it seems kinda generic and vague... Any good ideas?
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by keja » Sat May 22, 2010 10:39 pm

I like it, but it could do with an extra word. An adjective or something.
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