This World ~ Feedback

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Shai'tan
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This World ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Thu Jan 14, 2010 9:46 am

Ok, here all the feedback and comments for A Story (Ok, I don't have a good name for it yet) goes.

All feedback is appreciated! I know I have made mistakes, it would be great if you point them out ;)
Seriously though, I won't bite or be mad if you tell me it's shit and I need to rewrite the entire thing, as long as you give a reason why...

Posted this because I really don't want to write a sh!t load just for it to turn out to be sh!t...

The story can be read here.

No spamming allowed in this thread! It is for feedback and comments only!

EDIT: Temporarily changed name to This World...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by CX gamer » Thu Jan 14, 2010 4:19 pm

I'm bad at reading stuff...

This story has some mild entertainment, it doesn't exactly pull me in...
But it can be just me... :?
Quote of the TimePeriod:
Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
[Full story]

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by ForrestKeys » Thu Jan 14, 2010 5:30 pm

It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
One hour a day, one day a week.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by CX gamer » Thu Jan 14, 2010 6:17 pm

One week is 7 days, Shai was using symbols... :roll:
Quote of the TimePeriod:
Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
[Full story]

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by ForrestKeys » Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:47 pm

Isn't seven days a little bit too long?
One hour a day, one day a week.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:49 pm

ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...
CX gamer wrote:One week is 7 days, Shai was using symbols... :roll:
Actually, no :P
CX gamer wrote:I'm bad at reading stuff...

This story has some mild entertainment, it doesn't exactly pull me in...
But it can be just me... :?
I have the feeling you're not too fond of reading stories, especially fantasy stories :roll:
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by ForrestKeys » Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:53 pm

Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...
How are they going to spice up the food in just short time? :o
One hour a day, one day a week.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:13 pm

ForrestKeys wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...
How are they going to spice up the food in just short time? :o
What?
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by ForrestKeys » Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:48 pm

Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...
How are they going to spice up the food in just short time? :o
What?
Nothing important really.. I was thinking of the seasoning of the food. The food will not take in the lovely taste from the spices.
One hour a day, one day a week.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Thu Jan 14, 2010 9:10 pm

ForrestKeys wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...
How are they going to spice up the food in just short time? :o
What?
Nothing important really.. I was thinking of the seasoning of the food. The food will not take in the lovely taste from the spices.
Umm... Ok, sure... I think you missed the fact that they're going to a market to buy the food, in another city...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by ForrestKeys » Fri Jan 15, 2010 7:34 am

Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...
How are they going to spice up the food in just short time? :o
What?
Nothing important really.. I was thinking of the seasoning of the food. The food will not take in the lovely taste from the spices.
Umm... Ok, sure... I think you missed the fact that they're going to a market to buy the food, in another city...
Sorry, I just got lost in my own world.
One hour a day, one day a week.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:28 am

Ok...

I wish Lunar was here :|
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by CX gamer » Sat Jan 16, 2010 10:14 am

It's not that easy to summon luanr... :?
Quote of the TimePeriod:
Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
[Full story]

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by keja » Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:54 pm

Yes, he might not have an internet conection or something... He hasn't een read my birthday PM.

But yes, great story so far Shai.

One thing is the word vary. It's used in therenat some point and I don't know what you mean by it.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Sat Jan 23, 2010 8:28 pm

keja wrote:Yes, he might not have an internet conection or something... He hasn't een read my birthday PM.

But yes, great story so far Shai.

One thing is the word vary. It's used in therenat some point and I don't know what you mean by it.
Thank you.

Hmm... I think I meant a different word, but I can't remember which... I'll fix it...

EDIT: Turns out I misspelled wary...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by atomtengeralattjaro » Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:55 pm

*waits for continuation*
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by Shai'tan » Sun Jan 24, 2010 1:29 am

Yea, I think I need to work on that, I actually haven't written anything more ATM... But I should get around to it soon... So much to do :(
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by CX gamer » Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:01 am

Take your time... No one likes a rushed story... ;)
Quote of the TimePeriod:
Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
[Full story]

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by keja » Sun Jan 24, 2010 2:10 pm

And yet fans want a new story right away.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Post by CX gamer » Sun Jan 24, 2010 9:28 pm

Fans don't want a bad story...
Quote of the TimePeriod:
Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
[Full story]

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