This nonfiction novella, written by me, is a groundbreaking addition to modern English literature. Few authors dare to tell harrowing personal encounters with the supernatural. It’s true, as they say, that truth is stranger than fiction. But the truth can also be fiction. Some might call this story an exaggerated version of events. But I know what I saw, and I know where I stand. Do you?
I hate family vacations. And I hate road trips. So when my family planned to drive to Florida, I felt like the world was about to end. But little did I know, this vacation would turn out to be the best trip of my life….
Chapter 1. The Trip
250 years ago, Dr. Thomas Luggage invented the suitcase. Ever since then, people have stared at the sky, wondering how life was before their belongings had a safe method of stowage for long voyages. As I packed my bags for my annual summer vacation I wondered to myself, would I meet any new friends? Would I finally realize my destiny as an Elvis impersonator in a cover band? And would I finally learn how to write in cursive? These questions swirled in my mind as I folded my Volcom tracksuit and packed it neatly in my suitcase. “gh0st, we’re all discussing the plans in the living room”, called my mom. I dragged my feet as I joined up with the rest of my family to hear the news.
“We’re going to Florida honey! It’s going to be so fun and sunny and warm, you’re going to have a great time.” Somehow, I doubted these words from my dad. I’d been told this same story for the last 6 years, and each time, prematurely, I believed them. But a part of me wanted to believe, and so I did. The next morning, we would leave, so I decided to go to sleep early.
The next thing I remember, an alarm went off. I woke up alarmed by the alarm, jolted from sleep with the harshest of alarm sounds. Luckily, I could wear my pajamas during the car ride, so I got up, brushed my teeth and used the bathroom, and then hauled my suitcase to the car. Once we packed all of our belongings, we began the treacherous drive.
300 miles later, we landed in Oklahoma. Mom pulled the car over to a rest stop, and we got out and stretched our legs. We had brought some ham sandwiches, so we had ourselves a picnic and offered a sandwich to the rest stop parking lot as a sacrifice to Tripadosious, the god of road trips. We hopped back in the car, and drove off. As we left, we saw a bear in the rear view mirror walk over and eat the ham sandwich. A good omen.
Chapter 2. Hotel Shmoopay
Having spent the whole day driving on the interstate freeway, I was relieved when we finally made it across the state line to Florida. After another 30 minutes, we made it to our hotel for the trip. The weather outside was miserable and cloudy; the opposite of what I was told. We checked in, got to our room, and I unlocked the door. The room smelled nice and I ran and jumped onto the bed, exhausted from all the driving. My parents sat down and immediately started looking through the directory and room service. “It looks like they have an alligator pond!” I couldn’t understand why my parents thought that was a good thing, but sure enough, we made plans to see it on the way to the golf course. For now though, I took a nap and readied myself for the 18 hole golf course.
I woke up several hours later to a strange phone call. The manager of the hotel informed us that the alligators had escaped and that the golf course would be going on lock down as a safety precaution. My parents looked dismayed, but our moods lifted when we heard that we would be receiving a credit with the hotel for the next time we stay. After all the crazy news and driving, I was about ready to fall asleep for the night. And so I did.
Chapter 3. ASDF Land
When I woke up, my parents were sitting, eating eggs benedict and waffles and drinking their black coffee. I rubbed my eyes and asked “What’s our plan for today?” To my confusion and surprise, the replied “We have tickets to go to ASDF Land!” To be clear, I had never heard of ASDF Land. But I knew I had no choice but to follow along.
We got in our car and drove once more. As we drove down the road, I started to notice road signs, advertising ASDF Land and pointing out directions to the parking lot. As we turned down ASDF Boulevard, my stomach turned. I felt anxious and scared, as if I had entered the twilight zone. We found the parking lot. It must have been the biggest parking lot ever built. There were at least 10,000 spaces, and I counted over 100 cars. We found a spot, and got out.
As I opened the door, the smell of oranges filled my nostrils. Thats strange, I thought. But it was not nearly as strange as what was to come.
Chapter X - Interlude
What do you think of the story so far? What should the main characters do? Should the next book be choose your own adventure? I’m open to ideas, collaboration. The only criteria is that it must be a true story.
Chapter 4. Prophecy
We found a self-driving tram that would take us into ASDF Land. As we sat down, I heard the deafening sound of cicadas and mysterious frog noises. Thats odd, I thought to my self. I didn’t know there were frogs in Florida. We drove off into the everglades. Soon, ASDF Land came into view. It looked like a medieval castle painted a bunch of shades of orange.
Chapter 5. Escape
I couldn’t’ take it anymore. I had to find a way out.
Chapter 6: Pizza Chapter
We ordered a pizza. It was really really good.
My life would never be the same. My friends, family, they could never truly understand what I had seen, learned, witnessed, experienced. I will divulge more in Book 2: Secrets, if there is sufficient interest.
ASDF Land: Book 1
asdf as art
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ASDF Land: Book 1
I was in a tie with with Thingerdudes for Best Artist 2011, but they created these lovely banners so I'm grateful.
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