Let this thread die!

All things asdf (and anything else)
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by Froggychum » Mon Sep 28, 2020 3:38 pm

hair > personality
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by ThingerDudes » Thu Oct 15, 2020 10:32 pm

I agree.

Also now I have hair ties.
pros: I can now keep hair off my face and neck and it's something that stands out so now I don't have to get an actual personality
cons: it doesn't look as nice with hats and I really like hats

overall: 9/10 haircuts are a scam
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by Froggychum » Thu Oct 15, 2020 11:53 pm

Haircuts are more of a scam then you think, Thingers!

The entire barbers' industry is actually a cover up for an underground Trans-Antlantic fighting ring for stuffed animals and medical abominations.
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by atomtengeralattjaro » Fri Oct 16, 2020 9:43 pm

what is a haircut?
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by Froggychum » Wed Oct 21, 2020 9:21 pm

I found this in the archives, I hope it answers your query:
A haircut is a forgotten craft from 'The Before Times', a long-lost age that came before the current 'Age of Quarantine'

It's purpose was to reverse the growth of the keratin follicles located on the hominid cranium. The exact reasons those ancient beings spent their lives researching, refining and performing these surgery techniques is unknown, but surviving texts have revealed aspects of the mystery to us.

Take, for example the primitive writing piece, once known as a 'Fashion Magazine' which contains crude images of primitive females wearing ceremonial textiles such as 'The Bra' or 'The Dress', that was, of course, long before the respective needs for decency and presentation became outdated ideals.

Sparring my unseen audience a tangent, the women (and occasionally men) in these pictographs often heavily highlight their 'hairstyle'. Modern researches have yet failed to find a concrete definition for this word. The leading theory is that individuals in the past would spend time and resources to appear better presentable among other humans, but this theory has still not been agreed upon by the anthropological community.

Of course, these practices seem rather absurd, and even barbaric to the modern-day thinker, whom are all consistently in a state of bedhead, as it is in nature... That is why I suggest we, as a group, decide to take on a historical perspective on these situations.

Certainly, it seems outlandish in modern times that people would care for their appearance, as the concept of 'socialization' was long ago cancelled by the WHO after Covid-26 evolved to become nooborne (travels through the collective consciousness), but I and my colleagues here at the Pierre's International Sociology Society (PISS) have a different take, on this issue. A PISS-Take, if you will. And, this is it:

In the Before Times, back during a time when oxygen came from non-smoldering trees, and not from the atom-smashing factories that stretch across the wretched wastes that were once the surface world, human beings gathered in groups greater than 1, so that they could take part in tribal rituals called 'Social Activity'... The purpose of this was unclear, perhaps they did it to please some paganist gods, which of course, no modern human places their faith in, since no omnibenevolent being would have allowed this fate to befall any race of moderately-intelligent race.

In conclusion, this report will be submitted to the PISS, through a quantum wormhole to avoid the spread of any of the viral particles that may exist on the paper before being cosmically dissolved in the rays of a radiated super-star in a separate reality, then being re-assimilated within our accursed, forsaken timeline. The purpose of this is to document my thoughts on the primitive notion of 'haircuts', which has been heavily researched in the modern scientific world in the recent months.
Best Wishes, Dr. Desmond R. Fitzgerald, Senior Anthropologist of the PISS, on behalf of the department of Cosmetics in Regional Anterior Practices (The Department of CRAP).

May some greater being take mercy on us all, and spread our atoms back to the infinite stars. It would be a far more favorable fate.
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by atomtengeralattjaro » Thu Oct 22, 2020 9:52 am

Ah, thank you! What a great essay.
I am grateful to Dr. Desmond R. Fitzgerald's research efforts.
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by Greyson » Fri Oct 30, 2020 3:52 pm

It's a pretty on point review of haircuts and the before times.

... sorry, it's a tl;dr but i defo skimmed it before writing this post, i swear

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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by Froggychum » Fri Oct 30, 2020 4:50 pm

Hey guys, have you ever watched avatar the last airbender?

I really like the part where the avatar bends the last air (IDK, I've never seen it)
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by atomtengeralattjaro » Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:09 pm

me neither
I thought it was about a fender-bender in the air
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by Froggychum » Sun Nov 01, 2020 4:04 pm

If that was the case, they should have called the show, "Air Nation's Worst Drivers"
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by atomtengeralattjaro » Tue Nov 03, 2020 12:19 pm

Maybe that's because they'd've been drivers instead of pilots.

Btw, you can't say "pilot" without "pie", but I don't know what will be the effect of this information.
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by Froggychum » Sun Nov 15, 2020 6:35 pm

Hopefully we never find out, some things weren't meant to be comprehended by the human mind.
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by atomtengeralattjaro » Sun Nov 15, 2020 6:42 pm

Looking forward to never finding it out then.
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by Throwaway » Sun Nov 15, 2020 7:02 pm

What's this? Why is ASDF Forums so popular? It's dead, but what's the history behind it?
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by atomtengeralattjaro » Mon Nov 16, 2020 8:15 am

Hi there!
Well it started with http://asdf.com/ , and over time some people happen to type asdf into their address bar at some point in their lives, so they end up here.
There's been a forum since 2007.
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by Froggychum » Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm

asdf is gaming. asdf is life. asdf is danny devito. asdf is memes. asdf is funny. asdf is happy. asdf is sexy. asdf is dinner. asdf is cats. asdf is dogs. asdf is hamsters. asdf is spooky scary skeletons. asdf is a forumboard. asdf is roleplay. asdf is spam. asdf is SPAM. asdf is jkl; (haha just kidding). asdf is thanos. asdf is abraham lincoln. asdf is george washington. asdf is my insomnia. asdf is haunted. asdf is infested with rats (*bop* i just killed one). asdf is smelling good. asdf is hotels (trivago). asdf is getting rickrolled. asdf is your favorite food. asdf is the smell of your fondest memory. asdf is dead. asdf is reborn. asdf is beyond life and death. asdf is a cosmic anomaly. asdf is GTA V funny moments compilation. asdf is 1999. asdf is 2000. asdf is 2001. asdf is 2002. asdf is 2003. asdf is 2004. asdf is 2005. asdf is 2006. asdf is 2007. asdf is 2008. asdf is 2009. asdf is 2010. asdf is 2011. asdf is 2012. asdf is 2013. asdf is 2014. asdf is 2015. asdf is 2016. asdf is 2017. asdf is 2018. asdf is 2019. asdf is 2020. asdf is 2021. asdf is 2069 (haha). asdf is beautiful. asdf is handsome. asdf is single (wink). asdf is filled with lovely lizards people. asdf is epic. asdf is awesome. asdf is legendary. asdf is neanderthals. asdf is quarks. asdf is atoms. asdf is molecules. asdf is keyboard. asdf is science. asdf is math. asdf is watching your loved ones pass away. asdf is everything. asdf is nothing. asdf is everywhere. asdf is nowhere. asdf is RIGHT BEHIND YOU. asdf is keeping a safe distance of 6m. asdf is moving out of your melee range, provoking an attack of opportunity. asdf is a human fighter. asdf is never boring. asdf is always fun. asdf is a gh-gh-gh-ghost, scoob!. asdf is bleeding out, I need 20 CCs of heroin posthaste WE'RE LOSING HIM. asdf is science fiction. asdf is high fantasy. asdf is nonfiction. asdf is getting an A+ on an essay. asdf is sunday morning cartoons. asdf is late night TV. asdf is staying up past your bedtime. asdf is having a loving family. asdf is being in a car accident. asdf is witnessing a murder. asdf is being sold into slavery while vacationing in brazil. asdf is [REDACTED]. asdf is against drunk driving. asdf is the beach. asdf is the sky. asdf is the sea. asdf is the land. asdf is the sun. asdf is the moon. asdf is consciousness. asdf isn't real. asdf isn't just a faze, mom/dad. asdf is leaving you out of the will. asdf is famous. asdf is infamous. asdf is anonymous. asdf is personal. asdf is none of your business. asdf is profitable. asdf is the stock market. asdf is investments. asdf is my pin number (6969-6969 haha lol). asdf is writing 'asdf is' many times because im tired. asdf is poop haha. asdf is monkeys. asdf is apes. asdf is gorillas. asdf is chimpanzees. asdf is orangutans. asdf is baboons. asdf is apples. asdf is bananas. asdf is cherries. asdf is dragonfruit. asdf is other fruits that go in alphabetical order. asdf is trolling. asdf is speedrunning. asdf is tutorial videos. asdf is the internet. asdf is the world wide web. asdf is synonymous. asdf is antonymous. asdf is a woman. asdf is a man. asdf is a nonbinary person. asdf is two goblins in a trench coat pretending to be a person. asdf is a car holding a startling number of clowns. asdf is witty comebacks that you think of in the shower two days after the argument happened. asdf is social anxiety. asdf is depression. asdf is joy. asdf is sorrow. asdf is all emotions, diseases and forms of art. asdf is a magical artifact left by an ancient race. asdf is a writing prompt. asdf is a testing ground for things you think about writing about. asdf is asdf is. asdf is asdf isn't. asdf is. asdf just is, my man.
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by atomtengeralattjaro » Mon Nov 16, 2020 1:26 pm

That is all wonderful and I'm just gonna cherry pick which parts to reply to, but all of it was great.
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is infested with rats (*bop* i just killed one).
Dammit, where do they keep getting in?
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is 2069
Nice.
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is atoms.
Can confirm.
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is being sold into slavery while vacationing in brazil.
I hate it when that happens, so annoying.
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is bananas.
So is this post.
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is two goblins in a trench coat pretending to be a person.
pretending to be a forum pretending to be a Social Media Site ™ pretending to be Evai pretending to be a bunch of users at the same time, in a trench coat.
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is.
So is this post.
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by Froggychum » Wed Nov 18, 2020 1:12 am

The World's Most Incredible Analysist on The Internet.

by The New York Times (First Posted: 2020/11/17, Last Updated: 2020/11/17)
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 1:26 pm
That is all wonderful and I'm just gonna cherry pick which parts to reply to, but all of it was great.
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is infested with rats (*bop* i just killed one).
Dammit, where do they keep getting in?
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is 2069
Nice.
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is atoms.
Can confirm.
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is being sold into slavery while vacationing in brazil.
I hate it when that happens, so annoying.
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is bananas.
So is this post.
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is two goblins in a trench coat pretending to be a person.
pretending to be a forum pretending to be a Social Media Site ™ pretending to be Evai pretending to be a bunch of users at the same time, in a trench coat.
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is.
So is this post.
Pictured above is a screen capture from an internet website ASDFForums.com, where one user is shown reacting to another's post and supplying commentary.

This image has been making waves around various social media websites for it's exhaustive and intelligent display of reasoning.

We can truly see the expertise (correction 20/11/17: internet user does not in fact have an official degree nor diploma in this field, the word remains in the article as it is used metaphorically) the internet user 'atamtangeralatjuro' (correction 20/11/17: username is 'atomtengeralattjaro') displays in his efficient breakdown of the forum user 'froggychum's post.

For example, when the former user replies to the statement is 'asdf is 2069', it is a reference to a s*x position that originates from the 1960s (correction 20/11/17: After further research, the first mention of this position is located in the Kama Sutra). This great knowledge of historical works is shown not once-but twice- in this short piece of writing. This can be seen when the user responds to the comment that "[this website] is invested with rats [...]' and that the latter uses just killed one by administering to it a 'bop' (this term does not appear in dictionaries, so it can be assumed to be internet slang for 'poison' [correction 20/11/17: our resident intern just informed us that 'bop' is an unofficial synonym for 'punch' or 'smack'. This should clear confusion in the comments that have accrued on this article]), the former user does not respond with a simple acknowledgement of this, but instead writes 'Dammit, where do they continue getting in?' [Correction 2020/11/17: The actual quotation says 'Dammit where do they keep getting in?'. The original writer of this article told editors they made this mistake because the resolution on the image was insufficient. After completing an investigation, our HR department determined this claim to be creditable, as the article's original writer uses a set of prescription reading glass, as confirmed by both their supplier and pharmacist]. The important part to note from this snippet, is that the user leaves out the word 'God' from the phrase, 'God dammit'. This almost certainly a reference to various Hindu religious texts, such as Vedas. This is evident because the lack of the acknowledgement of a single monotheistic god proves that the user must be referencing a polytheistic or atheistic religion of some kind [Correction 20/11/17: Due to criticism and inaccuracy, this comment has been denounced by the staff at NYT, we've since discovered there are many other viable religions this could represent. We left this entire section in since it's main purpose was to show evidence of the individual's understanding of historical religious texts. This fact can still be proven through reference of various other religions, especially less well-known ones than Hinduism itself].

Secondly, this user has caused many chuckles in it's reply to "[this website] [invokes the same emotions/responses as] being sold into slavery while vacationing in Brazil." with the statement "I hate it when that happens, so annoying". This is a hilarious deconstruction of the fact that being sold into slavery, regardless of the country (the original poster shows their racist attitudes in this post) is not simply 'annoying' but 'devastating' and 'incredibly harmful'. Powerful and brave!

Thirdly and finally, this user shows a mastery of this website when they respond to "asdf is two goblins in a trench coat pretending to be a person." (which itself is a reference to the mythical and literary entity known as the/a Goblin), with the seamless (truly, this prose is exquisite) continuation of the quote, "pretending to be a forum pretending to be a Social Media Site ™ pretending to be Evai pretending to be a bunch of users at the same time, in a trench coat". This is a reference to many other infamous happening on ASDFForums.com, such as a time when several hundred of the users had their accounts transferred by staff to another individual named 'Evai' to use as their alt(ernate) accounts! This was a massive breach of privacy, but even 6 years later [Correction 20/11/17: At the time of this article's posting to our website] no action has been taken, and the malicious user Evai continues using stolen accounts to get additional views and replies to their posts. (It's estimated that over 90% of the website are alternate accounts, though even admins do not know whom is a puppet!). One other thing to notice from this post is it's utterly SCATHING roast of Facebook (an online social media and messaging platform created by Mark Zuckerberg over five months ago), which itself is a competitor site to ASDFForums.com. Many have compared this roast to those often seen on the Wendy's twitter account ('see our article, "Top 100 Funniest Wendys Roast, Ranked by Single African-American Moms with Eczema"'). The humor of this post is that it refuses to name the evil website (and equally evil founder, see our companion article to this post, "Top 20 Most Evil Things Mark Zuckerberg Has Ever Done, Ranked by Divorced Asian Overweight College Students with Diabetes"), and that it uses an excessive trademark symbol (TRM) [Correction 20/11/17: The correct symbol is '™'].

In conclusion, we hope you enjoyed this deep dive into the world's latest viral image! Expect more meme reviews from us in the future! If you look forward to it, don't forget to renew your subscription and follow us on our twitter!

Article Author: John Smith
Article Editor #1: Susan Black
Article Editor #2: Fred Turner


SOURCES

https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Goblin
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Zuckerberg
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facebook
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kama_Sutra (WARNING: NSFW)
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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by Shai'tan » Wed Nov 18, 2020 1:13 am

atomtengeralattjaro wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 1:26 pm
Froggychum wrote:
Mon Nov 16, 2020 12:25 pm
asdf is two goblins in a trench coat pretending to be a person.
pretending to be a forum pretending to be a Social Media Site ™ pretending to be Evai pretending to be a bunch of users at the same time, in a trench coat.
Image
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.

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Re: Let this thread die!

Post by Froggychum » Wed Nov 18, 2020 1:14 am

LOL. Same energy as "Sigh. You're free to go"
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